When the going gets tough…what do you even do next?
I sit here in a daze, thinking that I have to come up with my next best piece of writing. And it absolutely HAS to be perfect — everyone on Medium will read this so I can’t fuck up.
The truth? No, not everyone on Medium is going to read this. Hell, it most likely won’t even be that popular. This is more of a stream of consciousness as a form of self-therapy to soothe myself (so in all honesty, it doesn’t matter who reads this).
The underlying fear, too, is that no one will read my work and I just continue to write to an empty audience. So then what’s the point of writing anyway?
The better question — if I enjoy writing so much, why do I put so much pressure on myself for it to be perfect when our mess can be our message?
Let’s overcome these mountains, for the view is better at the top.
My goal this year is to release the pressure of feeling like I have to do something a certain way. I want to move into where the flow happens.
I go through ebbs and flows of where I want my focus. In the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey in 2015, I joined a network marketing business to improve my health. I learned a great deal from it, but then found a passion for personal development (which has really been the one constant in this journey).
I ended up surrounded by people who left said network marketing company and went on to become a Life Coach. So that’s what I wanted to do. I took a course, but struggled through self-doubt and the feeling of not enough-ness.
January 2020 — let’s build a virtual assistant business. Learned what I needed to do, stumbled through what I wanted to offer, but never having the confidence to actually network and market myself. In the same thought, it sounded exhausting working on other people’s businesses doing admin tasks. So the spark wore off (then Covid hit and down the depression hole I went).
The discovery of Medium
Back in June was when I joined Medium for the first time and I was so excited. I felt hardly any pressure being on this platform and read as many articles as I could and watched countless videos to ensure I started on the right foot.
I had joined a Facebook group to learn more. That was a mistake. It felt sour and many people complained about certain ways Medium worked and how it was working against them — it was going downhill, per-say. I let these words get me down and decided to not continue, that maybe I was better off building my own blog off Wordpress.
After my obsession with Medium wore off, I wanted to start up my virtual assistant business again, but with a focus on Pinterest Management. Found an amazing mentor, took her course, and there I sat again — not inspired by wanting to work on building other people’s businesses.
October rolled around — let’s focus on building a personal development blog. Wrote a few articles about Pinterest marketing to try and still gather new clients, wrote a few self-improvement blogs, then I fell off…again; uninspired and convinced myself that I “had no words in me to write”. I felt empty of a voice and it killed me because of the love I have for writing.
I keep hitting these road blocks. But maybe in a way, the road blocks are there for a reason. Maybe the lesson was just that path was not meant for me.
Your soul knows where you need to be, it’s just a matter of listening.
Something lead me back here. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel the need to be perfect on here or maybe that it feels like less work than hosting my own blog. I still plan on keeping my blog, but seeing as this is the first thing I’ve written since posting my blog posts on my website back in November…I’m feeling like the flow lead me here.
There is a difference of doing vs being. One cannot exist without the other, however sometimes the act of doing can feel tight and not expansive. There’s something about…being…that feels natural, effortless, and light when creating that awareness around what feels good.
Whoever you want to be, allow yourself to follow the path of least resistance. Allow yourself that gift of letting things be easy. It’ll be the greatest gift you give yourself.
